Stellar Remnants, Restos Estelares, Eng Vers
by fantasmaalineal
Summary: A farewell letter, from Chris Pike. Tribute-fic to KianSpo's "Don t Stop Believing"


NDA:

This fic is inspired by the work of three people;

-ashleyj28, for her magnificent fotomanip

-T'Pinto, who was delayed in its delivery of research needed to "Dos Gatos" (real life and the surgery of her dad went through) and

-KianSpo, for writing about Chris Pike, a character that I love and that has more relevance in the life of ... would be to do spoiler, neh?

Is, strictly in my opinion, some kind of fan-tribute for the work of KianSpo.

Dedicated to Jasmine chan, Djeri chan and Hayley, for their spirk's enthusiasm.

In a special way, I owe the make-up to T'Key'la, my wonderful-amazing-awesome BETA, for her kindness, her patience and her re-readings of my trippy-english stuff. In my next life, I'll re-born as a Vulcan, marry her and have her childs. Is the less I can do… and I'll do happy; she´s a GREAT person and writer.

In the links, the ashleyj28 work, which led to this fic and the magnificent novel by KianSpo ... who went to work at Ashley.

The chain reactions occur naturally.

Ashley fotomanip;

h t t p: / / a l e s h j 2 8. l i v e j or u r n a l. c o m / 3 4 1 3 6. h t m l # c u t i d a

"Don't stop believing" by KianSpo

h t t p: / / k i a n s p o. l i v e j or u r n a l. c o m / 1 1 4 0 7. h t m l

Music used? Ruled by secrecy, by Muse

h t t p: / / w w w. and o u t u b e. c o m / w a t c h? v = _ 2 q D A C R and U p wNdA:

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**Stellar Remnants / Restos Estelares**

_I loved you._

_Desperately, as only one of my kind can._

_With utter lack of logic, despite my age. I do not know what all that was. I do not know who was more beautiful than you; your incredible intellect or your physical perfection, able to leave any numb and dumb, regardless of species._

_I loved you with all of the above risks, the legal threat of "harassment of a cadet," but we both know that was not the case, the loss of my captaincy, your safe removal of the Academy, the shame before your Elders and destruction of my entire career in Starfleet._

_I loved you from the first moment I saw you entering the classroom, Interspecies Ethics IV, until the last of your molecules were out of sight in the transporter pad, toward the Enterprise._

_I have not stopped loving you. I cannot._

_Yes, I was a savage __with you. I could not be less one of mine species, and I loved every atom of you, teeth and nails and saliva and my whole body lost in you, material of the heart of stars and I, just a simple sub evolved worm ..._

_I loved you more than my reason, I was lost in you, in your grace, your light._

_I suffered every moment that you suffered, the rejection of the other cadets at the Academy, accusations of favoritism, the severe scolding from Number One._

_I drowned in your pain as I watched, horrified, as your world crumbled and disappeared._

_I cried during the coma, when Jim brought me back from the Narada -Mc Coy was not gracious and made me sleep before I could watch you more than twice. Did you think I couldn't see as you jumped into Nyota, just getting to the Enterprise?_

_The universe is not fair, Spock. Logical, but not right. If there is justice, I would have at least your age, your strength, your longevity, your beauty._

_Your incre__dibleincredibleincredible intelligence…_

_I stayed away from you and I have no regrets. I know that I rejected all that would have made my life worth something; your offer to join me, forever._

_Not only were you too beautiful to be real: it was your reality that deserved to be beautiful, "have a future full of infinite possibilities" as Elder Selek told you, and I, in your quantum tree, I am a leaf, about to fall ._

_Do not hate me for that, I beg you, my old heart and what is left of my body would not stand it._

_I know you love him. I know that only he completes you. I would argue that I brought him to the fleet for two reasons. For you. And for him. And you must -you have to admit that my illogicality, worked, dear mine – oh how dear, dear, dear ashayam-Spock._

_Every achievement __form, I kept it jealously, like you're part of me, that yes it was and still is._

_I would ask if, there's exist Katras, cherished me in yours, forever. And I know that I lost that right the moment that James put a foot in your class, from the moment when, with unique and brazen effectively, he destroyed your Kobayashi Maru, a diamond that had taken four years of your life in polishing and cutting, proof of everything._

_But a diamond can only be cut by another, Spock, and Kirk was no less brilliant and hard as you. No less stubborn._

_I know you're happy. And I would say that your happiness makes me feel good, __that I do not feel envious of James T. Kirk, that the Admiralty completes all my aspirations…_

_But you taught me not to lie and least not to ourselves._

_And I hate this glorious place, this pedestal on which I have been placed as a mentor and protector of the two who saved the Earth and thus the Federation._

_This pedestal is good for a grave and I am in one, and the worms are recreated in me, knowing that I love you in every moment and that under no circumstances can I have you._

_Do not misunderstand me. Do not pity me, I knew the steps I took and I do not regret anything_

_Elder Selek has made me see things with different eyes. And yes, I loved you in your time line and, mercifully, died without you knowing._

_Living without you, ashayam, is a slow death. Rather an implosion - like Nero taught us is the only way that can make what I feel for you go away._

_I will not stay on Earth. Number One will lead me to the Delta Quadrant, aboard the Nelson; there are many new people at DS9, who need to be trained._

_You have an assigned mission._

_And I have asked my good Hoichi-san (yes, Admiral Nogura, who is my friend, as Hikaru Sulu is for you) to adjust our programs so that we never meet again EVER._

_I leave. I give up. I had you. I loved you. I still do and God forgive me - and Sarek with him- if I stop._

_I want you to be my sweet penance for the years I have left. Fortunately, I will not stay near McCoy's maniac care, so there will be a few, only._

_I was the first one to see your smile, a priceless privilege for one of my kind._

_Wy Kirk, Jim's mother, used to tell me that I was George's guardian angel and you see, I could not care or managed to avoid the disgrace of Kelvin ..._

_I cannot take care or avoid your mistakes. But I put you in the hands of the best, not a delicate angel as foreshadowed –I know how much you love Leonardo Da Vinci-and lacks the grace of one._

_But he loves you as much as I did -and do._

_I know, ashayam, my beautiful angel, S'chn T'Gai Spock, that you, only you, will understand me._

_I belong to you, wherever you are. Or I._

_Christopher Pike._

The three looked at each other, for instants.

At first, Uhura had been astonished to receive the heavy package, a letter written in Kara leather, with characters in High Vulcan, a language humans are forbidden to learn..

And was more shocked when Spock asked her to read it aloud, translating as she did.

Now, Nyota trembled in pain and bewilderment, as did Jim, both unsure of how to help Spock face such losses, the pain of the Vulcan, tangible in the drops that soaked his face, in the sudden darkness of the telepathic bond that united him to Jim and the loud feline growl, drowned in force in his chest.

Jim and Nyota knew very well, from the beginning, who and what Chris had been for Spock.

His first love. His first kiss, his first night. His chosen, after T'Pring rejected him. His first broken-heart.. And his first Captain ...

His mentor and protector. His most faithful lover. And now, the last of his losses -how many, in the name of Sarek, his mother, his world and now, Chris?-

Jim jumped to hug him. His signal was undetectable to Spock, but Nyota ...she obeyed instantly. No thought of it as a command, it was a reflection.

Wedged between the two, the thoughts, the affection, the sorrow of the two Terrans, Spock allowed himself to return to when he was three years of age, when Sarek prohibited him to tell Amanda, his mother, that he loved her ...

Spock had wept whole nights. No one knew.

Nyota was a welcoming sea, calm and gentle waves wrapping him in dark, everywhere. Jim, a bedrock, buried in him, on which he could rest.

He fell asleep between them, the cold skin of the two, the woman who loved him as he was and his beautifulbeautifulr T'hy'la, his par. Jim ...

They were not Chris.

There was no more "Chris" …

While Spock, sleepless -both Terrans, asleep- admired the black void out the window, dotted with stars, McCoy was concerned enough to enter without permission.

"Lights to one hundred percent!" – he barked to the looked at the scene on the bed, the three naked, entangled with each other. He rolled his eyes and looked toward the ceiling, avoiding looking over, shaking his head.

"And God damn it, Jim! Nogura is looking for you, we don´t have at our bright Communications Officer to translate the Japanese of the admiral, and NOBODY can find the First Officer of Enterprise! And you, hoarding them all in your bed? You're impossible, Jesus, Joseph and Mary! Christopher Pike should have to see how YOU respected his death ..."

Jim shook his head, opening his eyes, waking up with a yawn and a face of "What the hell?"

A "bunk" sound, Uhura had fallen out of bed. McCoy closed eyes, in a failed attempt to shame.

And then it happened.

Spock began to laugh, until he cried. .

Humans, for Sarek!

Illogical, absurd, full of quirks, chaotic, desperate and hopeless. As horrendous as they are beautiful, so fine and delicate as crude and inept.

All of them contained what Chris had given him and what he feared so much, the salt of their own, implicit, inherited mankind.

Jim laughed with him and Uhura, and Bones was muttering something about needing a brainwashing.

Shift Alpha began and was another "day" in the Enterprise and ...

Chris would not ever really leave, , Spock realized. And through tears, from time to time, he did not stopped smiling when he had to smile.

Not anymore.

While all showed their respects at the Admiralty, Nogura-san called aside Jim

"Captain Kirk."

"Admiral, sir."

The old samurai sighed between funny, sad and stern ... "Chris was not anyone, neh?"he growled, decided, "And I will not waste time on philosophical pomposities. It is not my style and not his own. He asked me to deliver this ... foolishness personally, son. You'll know what to do with them."

Jim looked at the small box

"What is it, Admiral?"

"Cosmic Waste. The remains of a star when it goes out, Captain, stellar remnants. Diamonds ..."

Jim opened the box and looked. One was exquisitely polished, pure red gold Painite colour at the center. The other was a rough sapphire crystal, with an incandescent glow.

Both were joined, glued; an effect of the disaster that forged star. Together.

Jim had to smile.

Somewhere in the universe, a star imploded.

Endnotes:

An important detail: KianSpo made a GORGEOUS trace of the biography of Spock, more than 200 pages -I read it in two days. This one-shot is just an attempt of mine, to approach everything that Chris had felt for his favorite student, Spock.

Matt Bellamy's voice and his wonderful piano abuse, but delays in the investigation into the Katric Ark (without which I can not end "Dos Gatos) caused this travesty. What boredom make me accomplish...

Thank you for your patience, reading and reviews.

Namasté.

Gin Kitsune / FantasmaAlineal.


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